David: Kind of Like Being in a Movie

Traveling to and in Britain felt like being in a movie.

The main reason was that everybody talked differently. You could understand them because they spoke English – mostly – but with a bewildering variety of accents and dialects. Usually you only hear such voices in the movies.

The most striking verbal thing for me was the way a simple “o” sound acquired a hint of an “i” at the end of words like “So” and “No,” so that they came out in a way I find very hard to spell out. Think of the “uh” sound with a touch of “y” following it: “So” became “suy” and “No” became “nuy.” I couldn’t figure out quite how they do it . . . or why it ever came about.

There were many other things that looked familiar . . . but were not quite right.

Street signs for familiar purposes use different language. Instead of Detour, you saw “Diversion” or “Diverted Traffic.” The familiar upside-down triangle that typically says Yield became “Give Way.” Instead of Exit, you were directed to “Way Out.” Orally, you quickly got used to hearing that you’d need to join or wait in the “queue” instead of a line.

“Mind the Gap” replaces “Watch Your Step.” In fact, “Mind the Gap” is a rather famous phrase, since commuters on the Tube hear it relentlessly: “Please mind the gap between the platform and train,” a pleasantly officious female voice announces over the sound system as the train pulls into every station.

Then of course, there are the peculiar place names. I never quite got used to hearing that proper female voice remind me that a subway line I rode a few times ultimately terminated at “Cockfosters” (which, of course, sounds more like “Cuckfustuz”).

We saw lots of familiar fast-food outlets – KFC, Subway, Burger King, and LOTS of Starbucks – but there were many other repeated names we had never seen before: Caffé Nero, Costa Coffee, Pret a Manger (without, I think, the French accent egu), and just plain “Eat.”

Pubs and taverns often had “arms” in their name because of they feature a crest that references a family, region of origin, or noble charter (“Northumberland Arms,” “The King’s Arms”). Some also assured us they were “Free,” which meant they served a variety of brews instead of the particular brand or two they were contracted to limit themselves to.

I was always a little startled by a sign for a high-end women’s fashion chain called French Connection (UK), which brazenly offered the acronym FCUK. (I took a photo of one at Heathrow just before we flew out.)

Of course the money looked different, but there were a couple details that I particularly liked. The two-pound coin has a gold coin inside a silver ring – a design I recall seeing in other European countries. Most charmingly, the back side of the 10-pound bill pictures Charles Darwin, and it’ll be a cold day in hell when we see something like that on an American currency.

(While we were in England, I saw a news story in the Daily Telegraph that a new British movie about the life of Darwin – “Creation” starring Paul Bettany, Jennifer Connelly, and Jeremy Northam – had gotten raves at the Toronto Film Festival and was receiving worldwide distribution, but had not landed an American distributor because the content was feared to be “too controversial.” As the Brits used to say, tommyrot!)

I kept looking for street signs in the usual American location – on a pole at the corner above an intersection – and it wasn’t there. Instead, street signs in London are plaques: larger than the typical sign in the U.S., with more information, but not dependably placed or even necessarily there.

The information will consists of the township (“The Royal Borough of Kensington and Chelsea,” “City of Westminster”; usually in a red, gothic script), the street name (“Kensington Church Street,” in a larger black serif font), and the start of the postal code (“W.8.” – again in red).

Usually, it will be on a building near the corner, anywhere from ten to twenty feet up the façade, sometimes on a low wall. Sometimes, they’ll have extra helpful information: “Leading to: Hyde Park Place.” More helpfully, some buildings (residential buildings, not just commercial ones) will have the entire address (number and street name) painted on a column or the wall near the door.

The confusion isn’t helped by the fact that more and more service jobs are filled with immigrants. Most of the wait staff in our hotel appeared to be Russians, with a sprinkling of various Asians such as Malays and Nepalese.

Our final morning in London, I was tucking into breakfast when our waitress asked “Do yu vant sum tust?” Dust, I wondered. I had her repeat it. Still couldn’t grasp what she was asking.

Toast, Carole explained. Ah.